Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
