apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
