But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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