ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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