So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
