Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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