Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
