Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
