Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
