Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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