can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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