I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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