I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
