My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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