Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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