but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
