I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
