4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
