What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
