the new term for farting is butt boxing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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