I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
