Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
