I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
