HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
