I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this boner is exhausting
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
