Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have fence marks all over my body
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
