My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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