this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
