yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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