I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
