So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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