My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i now understand why vodka
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
