You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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