I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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