my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
