you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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