Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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