If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We don't watch enough power rangers
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
