Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So vagazzling was a success
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
