So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
