You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
