Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
