you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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