Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
