Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
