if you like me you must not know who I am
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
