who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
