I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
