i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
