i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
