You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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